So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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