time to smoke my breakfast
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
