Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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