Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
