Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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