I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
This house was built for laser tag.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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