Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
