the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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