I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
