Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize