I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize