Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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