No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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