I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Randomize
