i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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