Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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