I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
