I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
