Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So many bounce houses so little time
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
