Me. At least after what I've been through.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
