Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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