I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
