This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
