I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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