Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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