I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
