While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
