How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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