4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
