I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
