Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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