So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
