Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
