I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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