dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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