I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
