I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
