im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
just tell him i said nine months
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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