I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
