Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
