What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
This is the high leading the old right now
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize