i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
