Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
