Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(805): View more from California

Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"

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(248): View more from Michigan

apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.

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(847): View more from Illinois

after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."

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(647): View more from Ontario

Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.

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(734): View more from Michigan

Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.

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(623): View more from Arizona

I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.

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(703): View more from Virginia

Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?

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(647): View more from Ontario

Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.

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(330): View more from Ohio

sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.

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