I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
