Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You were trust falling into bushes
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
