someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
