guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
should my penis look like a turkey
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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