jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
