Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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