Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
