This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
