this beer tastes like vomit already
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
