just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
