if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
