In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
