my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
