i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize