guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
