If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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